Saturday, May 13

Rough Patch Friday 5.12.06 "Dilusions and Fear"

It is 5:23 Saturday evening, and Craig is still asleep. He has been asleep since 12:30 a.m this morning after a difficult and fearful day.

Friday, Craig was out and about all day, refusing to nap in the afternoon, and was active until yesterday evening after 9 pm. In the evening Craig stated to me that he was scared. Apparently he has been having hallucinations i.e. seeing people, hearing noises and disoriention as to where he was. I notified Dr McClure at home (thank you McClure's) due to Craig's anxiousness and concerns. In sharing the conversation with Craig afterwards, this seemed to have brought some comfort. He actually followed the instructions which were given, without any debate. Since then, he has been sleeping .

Please pray that the next few days are filled with contentment and comfort. Craig is due back at the Oncologist again on Monday, and I am fearful that this treatment may diminish his abilites more.

Thank you All so very much!!! Knowing that we are NOT alone - gives comfort and strength to Craig and I each day.
In Christ Love
Sam

Thursday, May 11

Help - He's fallen, get me the hell outta here.

Monday (9th) I had the pleasure of taking Craig shopping to Giant Eagle. I am not familiar with this store, however Craig is and he left me standing alone after he told me he would help find everything that I needed. Needless to say, I stood there watching him as he sped away on his motor cart and did not see him until it was time to check out. I found out later, he went visiting with the whole entire Giant Eagle store, every department, every person... The ENTIRE store!

We did really well in our outing until later that afternoon, when he scared the Holy Crap out of me. As much as I love my son-in-law, the latter part of our day is an experience I would prefer NOT to have again. I guess this would be my initiation into his world of chemo day - Thanks be to my daughter, who is the one who sent me.

The one fun part is that I got to drive the "big pimp mobile". He had me turn a corner at the last minute and I could have sworn the car was on two wheels, with a truck on my ass end. Then Craig decides to tell me, afterwards - "oh, well, you could have gone the other way". Yes, at that moment I would have strangeled him. It's bad enough not being able to see over the steering wheel..(sandi's opinion). So, all in all it has been quite an experience.

This is a cool thing that the kid (sandi) has set-up.
Well, that is one adventure in the day in the life of the "Pabst's" clan.

Lu P.
(Sandi's Mother)

Birthday Surprise

I woke up to the ringing of the telephone this morning, cursing at the caller, it was after all “only” 8:00 am. As I tried to dismiss this recent annoyance of mine, I knew eventually I had to get moving. For me, this meant getting up "Greet the day with prayer", asking for acceptance in whatever this day had in store for us.

No longer do we have set schedules, nor do I rush around in the morning's, ironing, showering, stopping at the local StarBucks and then head into the office.

Today, my daily routine is filled with the task of preparing Craig's medications, calling the doctor's, pharmacies, insurance companies, laundry, vacuuming and any other tasks which could rise up and need completed.

With much apprehension, I came downstairs, listened to the voice messages, and was contrite with myself in my previous annoyance.

The first voice message was from Dr. Bruce Woodworth, Craig's surgeon. He was checking in and letting us know that he had been out-of-town, recently, but that we are always in his thoughts and prayer, and would like to stop for a visit in the near future.

The second voice message was from my “dear and close friend” Gloria, singing effervescently a birthday wish, and stating that she had left a “special” cake in my front door her way to work this morning.

Much to my surprise, today is my birthday!!! I had simply forgotten. Once again I am reminded, that God does for me, what I can not do for myself, and Gloria's phone call caused me to pause, step back, take a breath and hold close this moment to celebrate LIFE!!! To cherish this gift, which I have had the joy to experience for “several” years.

Thank you Gloria for calling me this morning. To remind me that every moment of each day I have been afforded this beautiful and glorious gift...LIFE !

Happy Birthday to Me!


Wednesday, May 10

Proud to Be Native

Imagine you are standing on the edge of a stage. In the center of the stage is a spotlight shining from above. If you stand anyplace outside the spotlight, in the darkness, you will experience fear. But as soon as you step into the light in the center of the stage, all fear and pain go away.

When we stand in the power, fear cannot exist. How do we find this place of power?
We pray our way into it. We ask the Creator to take our hand and help us. When we get to that place, we will feel the fear go away. Great Spirit, hold my hand and guide me today.

The BEST Medical Providers EVER!

I would like take to this opportunity to share how fortunate we have been to have the Best of the Best physicians providing care, not only to Craig's medical needs, but emotional and spiritual support for me as well.
A special thank you to the following:

Dr. and Mrs. David McClure, MD – Internal Medicine.
A simple thank can not begin to express our gratitude. Your care for Craig saved his life. If it were not for your knowledge and determination, we may not have had this past year together. Your love and support has exceeded all expectations of patient care. Your visit to our home and hospital as well as sharing in prayer are more than a blessing – it has been our Miracle!
Your staff, Evelyn, Sherri, Lori and Michelle and others, have been just as wonderful as the both of you.

Bruce Woodworth, MD – Urology/Surgery :
Craig and I thank you for your friendship and visits as well. Your selflessness in sharing God's word has built an even stronger foundation in our lives. Your love, compassion, friendship and disturbed humor with which you and Craig share is truly special. I would like to thank you and your staff as well, Beth, Sarah, Karen and others, including Dr Eric Ward, MD. How often can one walk through a corridor of a hospital, be stopped for a brief moment of prayer while Craig is undergoing surgery.....Amen


Timothy Moore, MD – Oncology
A special “thank you” for taking on the responsibility of caring for Craig. Not only did you inherit a new patient, you inherited an entire family. Your willingness and persistance in research for the “rarity” of movement in Craig's cancer has been, well.....THANK YOU !!!
A BIG thanks to the staff of Mid Ohio Oncology/Hematology, including, Lisa, Needia, Debbie, Rita, Kathy and Julie, as well as Jerry Mitchell, MD.

Craig and I have been so fortunate to have this “EXCEPTIONAL” team of physicians, including their “disturbing sense of humor. With the roller coaster of emotions, it is an emotion which Craig and I hold on to closely. It somehow manages the sanity within our home.

Thank you ALL....We are very fortunate and blessed to have you along for the ride in this crazy roller-coaster "cancer".

In Christ.
Craig and Sandi

* * * * Dee McClure – I hope you enjoy the footnote. * * * *
Lauren has taken Craig out "shopping" for about 45-60 minutes today. I was uncertain, as to why I was not invited, then I was reminded that tomorrow is my birthday. I had completely, forgotten all about it. In any case, who knows what or where they are at this moment. .I can only hope that they are accident free today. You see, Craig enjoys going out to the stores now, as he drives a "motorized" cart. Needless to say, there have been a few incidents where, the kids and I have walked away- laughing because he has gotten himself stuck in the restroom, knocked over displays, created a traffic jam, and most tragic one of all is that he ran over Dee McClure,(DavidMcClure, MD) wife! Need I say more...

Craig's Mother - Patricia

Hello Everyone:

It saddens to me to share the most recent news of Craig's mother at this time. However, it appears that the breast cancer she has been battling for the past several years, has possibly found its way into the bone. With the "masses" growing, and this new information, the decision for comfort care is now upon us. Please pray for our family at this time. There certainly is no rhyme or reason as to this turn of event in our lives, and there is no room for questioning the process, It just "is what it is".

Your prayers, love and support are with us each day. I pray for acceptance and contentment during this time. This is has caused such saddness for each of us.

God Bless
Sandi

Know that you are loved as it took 35 minutes to figure out



Hello dear Craig...This is a labor of love because it took me exactly 1/2 hr. to create a Blog for you, and I still don't know if this is correct.
I am feeling very sophisticated about this...I hope you are feeling very blessed by my message.
I am sure that I will be creative in the future, but right now, I am simply writing to you, so that you can have fun and receive a "love note"...
Be in touch, maybe this weekend with some soup. G.

Yea !!! Thank you Paul F.

Praise God!!!! and a special thank you to Paul F.
It seems that our dear friend who is a computer "GENIUS" had a difficult time with the MSN blog site as well.

Fortunately for Craig and I, Paul sent information for this particular website, and so far, I am able to post a "glitch free Blog".

I would love to hear how the accessiblity is for each of you.

Have a good evening...'til next time
Doksa
Sandi

Update w/family Easter picture

Easter 2006: Craig, Sandi with the "kids", Lauren and Joe. Missing in Action was Micah who currently lives in Palm Beach, Fla.

Hello Everyone! Well, it has been very hectic these past four days, yet filled with an ENORMOUS amount of blessings. Friday the 5th, we received a visitor, a co-worker from Molina Healthcare (Sandi's employer, and were surprised to see the HUGE gift of love from everyone. Needless to say, there were tears of gratitude. Craig and I have been blessed by each of our employers. The fact is that for me, it is not only a job....it is an extended family.

The weekend seemed unremarkable, although he has had increasing pain and vomiting. We returned to the oncologist yesterday for another treatment, and from 12 noon on, the day went down hill from there. Craig decided to go with my mother to the market, and then wash his car. Well, by they returned home, he was full of anger!!! Apparently he had fallen "twice" while with my mother. My mother, having this be her first experience of helping to scrape Craig up, was needless to say upset. The more concerned she was, apparently the angrier he became. He entered into the house and told me that this was ALL my fault ! ! ! ! So, as I am trying to ignore this statement, the evening progressed into a night from HELL.... While most people are sleeping, Craig decides that he wants to take a bath....I on the other hand, would like some sleep. BUT!!! no, Craig wants to take his bath. SO, as I am fighting to keep my eyes open, I heard this CRASH !!!!! Lo and behold, who do I find in the tub, towel in hand and looking up at me with those kind eyes.... Yes, it is Craig, and the only comment he could make to me is "Thank God I know how to fall correctly". I could have strangled him, yet I laughed because I wanted to also say - "See, I told you so"....Now will you get your BUTT into bed and SLEEP - Accckkkkkkk!. God Bless him. Sleep however was not his choice for the moment. He chose to explain how falling is an "Art", and I of course am ready to SLAP HIM!!! What-EVER !!!!
Give me SLEEP - In moving forward, Craig, is a Sensei (Kempo) (先生) the Japanese term for "master", "teacher" or "doctor". Sensei of martial arts usually live and/or work at a dojo, where they teach their skills to their apprenticess.) So, I learned about the "art in falling down". Hahaha....
As you can see, it had been an eventful day. Today of course he is sleeping, sleeping, sleeping.

On a more significant and serious note, Craig and I have been blessed with several gifts of love. It is unbelievable! So many have touched our lives and it is my hope that you know how fortunate we are. That you allowed us to share our lives with you, you who have so graciously and freely given to us. We have received a surprising amount of gifts from friends, family and acquaintances (folks whom we hardly know) as well. Miracles day to day....

I would like to share recent photos of Craig, kids and I this past Easter. Unfortuantely, Micah was not able to come home, however we know that he is with us in spirit.
So, that is it for today....
Have a joyous and blessed day

Tuesday, May 9

Some Birthday! (8 hrs of surgery 5.27.05)

"Lets Bounce"
"Are you look'n at me? Cuz if your look'n at me!"
"Dude, I think these may be some good drugs"





Uh-Oh - Craig did a BIG "No-No"

The past several days have been somewhat uneasy within our home. Craig is developing a chest cold and is having increasing congestion each day, which is not a good thing. I am hoping to allow visitors this weekend. For those of you who fellowship during the week, it would be a great help if you would call and try to get Craig out for an hour or two.

He actually drove the car the other night, and needless to say I was livid!!! Craig must NOT and can not be driving at this time. SO, please if you would like to get him out for even for a brief 15 minutes, plesae call !

Our friend Candy went to the grocery for us yesterday, and took Craig to the doctor as I was in need of a reprieve for a brief moment.

Dr McClure and his wife have been so wonderful as well as Dr Moore and Woodworth.
Their friendship and sharing of faith has been so instrumental in Craig's healing.
Once again - thank you for your support and prayers.
Love to all
In Christ

Sandi

Visit w/Friends at Molina

Good Morning Everyone:
Yesterday was an adventure - out and about! Craig had decided in the morning that he would like to attend a fellowship meeting. However, when driving to the meeting, Craig had forgotten where it was. At that point when we were returning home, we decided to venture over to Molina Healthcare. My place of business.

When we walked through the doors, Craig was amazed at how fast and large the company how grown within a short time of one year.

The first person we had seen was Audrey. Craig had gotten to know a new employee whom I had only spoken with briefly. She was as kind as the rest of the staff. Then there was Terra . A surprised look said it all. My emotions had taken over at that moment, and i realized again,
(1.) how much I miss the staff and (2) how much this company cares for Craig and I.
Terras "Bear-Hugs" are ones you will never forget, yet look foward to getting the next one.

We walked past Misty and Sherri, and within this short amount of time, Craig was getting very tired. Hugs were shared and we moved on. We had hugs and smiles from EVERYONE! David, Richelle, Kerry , Sasi, Danielle and Tiffany. It was great. Then as we are standing in the hallway by Richelles space, who did we see - Jim. Hugs from Jim with some off the wall comment (hilarious) to share, made the moment take a turn to laughter.

We walked through to the other side of the office, when Craig said to me, I don't know these people, and began waving the "Princess Wave". You know the one...elbow, elbow...wrist, wrist, wrist....Hillarious. When we got to the UM side , we were able to have a brief visit with Debra, Kelly and Paul.

I can not tell you how wonderful this visit was. However, we were sadden because we missed Evelyn, Mary, Desiree. Pam, Bonnie, Michael, and Deb It was disappointing. But... I do hope that we get to visit with them one day soon.

After this wonderful visit, we went and had breakfast. Then homeward bound. From that moment Craig slept most of the day. He had a somewhat quiet night, however it has become more and more frustrating for him. Sleeping 24 hours a day is not much of a quality to ones life. And for Craig, it is like being kept prisoner in his own body.

So, that was our day Tuesday, May the 2nd. Oh....I did screw up the first blog and had to restart. Dag-gone it. So, once again. If you have any words of wisdom to share....Please feel free to do so.

In closing this morning entry, I would like to thank Molina Healthcare. , Inc. You have been so supportive to Craig and I. We are so very grateful, and I am proud to be a part of such a wonderful corporation.

May 1, 2006

Oncology Visit

Hello Everyone:
I have a few minutes to add an entry in the blog so I thought that I could update you on the appointment today.

The visit with Dr. Moore was really unventful. He stated that he wants this go around to go "his way", which of course is what we are praying for as we i.e. that the cancer be deterred and/or gone.

The other issue is to hope that Craig can begin to cut back on all his medications. There are so many.
Twelve to be exact. This is becoming VERY costly....even with insurance coverage. I am not certain how folks on Medicare, and/or no insurance survive.

Anyway, Craig had his first treatment of Taxol which lasted three hours. When we returned home, we both were able to nap for a while, and he has had no nausea or vomiting. At least not YET! I have been trying to keep up with his meds for that.

So that is it for the day.
Oh, by the way if ANYONE has suggestions on using a "blog" , I could really use the help. I am having a heck of a time getting the photo album updated.

Thanks
Sandi

5.1.2006

Eph 6:10-20


Craig and I received a phone call this evening from a close friend, who is having to walk through struggles in their life as well. During our conversation it reminded me, that what we experience in this life, is simple.... "a spiritual battle".

Paul shares with us in the book of Ephesians, that we need to be put on the armor of the Lord and stand against the powers of darkness. When I think about this "battle" , it gives me additional strength each day. Our battle filled with sickness and disease. Powerlessness? I think not......Christ is our hope and strength.


10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Love

In Christ

April 29, 2006

Returning Home from Hospital on Saturday 4.29.06

I wanted to share, that upon our return from the hospital on Saturday, 4.29.06 we arrived home to find Chris, digging in our front yard. He mentioned that it was a surprise and Joan and Gloria would be returning soon.

As Craig and I went into the house and settled in, I peeked out the window again, and my flower bed was complete.
Joan, Gloria and Chris had given us the gift of natural beauty. Craig and I love it. The colors are vibrant! Neither one of us thought that I would have flowers this year. And once again, our friends blessed us with their time and gifts.

Thank you Joan, Gloria and Chris very a lovely surprise and for thinking of a awesome gift. It feels good to look at the window and see the beauty of your handiwork.

Love
Craig and Sandi