Monday, February 26

Another sleepless night

To my Best Friend, my husband:

It is 12:36 a.m., Monday February 26th, 2007 and once again I find myself crying in the dark winter night. Cold, wet, sad and alone. I miss you so!

Each day, I awake - empty and cold - nothing to share, nothing to giveI Attempts to move forward in each passing day, yet peace never comes.
Thoughts of you flow in my mind - as water flows swiftly along a rivers bank after a storm.

I did not know loving you so much - would in turn be my enemy.

Though I am grateful for our years together although not long enough, it is said that we had more in our years together than most will experience in their lifetime.

You shown me what it is to live a kinder and gentler life. You gave to me a pure, honest and loving home. You shown me how to live with dignity....To accept life on life's terms. To embrace the moment as a survivor, not a victim. Yet, I can not seem to feel any of this on any given day.

Fear is my motivator and solitude my friend. It waits patiently with each dawning day. It's presence welcomed, as I pray for it's consumption of my heart, mind and soul.

How will Iive with out you?!
One moment at a time.

Missing you
Your loving wife

Tuesday, June 6


To my Best Friend:
I am sad for my loss, yet rejoice in your comfort and peace, which you now walk. I shed tears for a broken heart. I shed tears for never having to hold your hand, touch your face or kiss your tender lips again. I shed tears for missing laughter in our home. I shed tears for the lack of humor each day.

You are on the "red road", walking with those who have passed before you. Sharing in the joy and peace which is promised by our Creator. You are home, and I am lost. Each day is different. Some filled with comfort, others filled with fear. Uncertain as to where I should be, circling a path, which leads to nowhere... I am empty.

My childhood friend...where do I walk to from here. My companion and spouse, whom I cherish for the rest of my days. Wait for me among the eternal fire, ask the eagle to guide me to you so that I find my way in the darkness. Ask Coyote to yodel, leading me to the path with no turns. Burn the sage so that I may be lifted by the aroma to encircle your heart once again.

I miss you so! I love you Forever ! Tears never ending.

Thursday, June 1

Craig, you will be missed

Today I have struggled with what is the right thing to say.... how to comfort my great friend Sandi on this day that she bids farewell, for now, to her partner and best friend... Craig is soo loved by sooooo many and was very lucky to have you with him here on earth. I pray for God to blanket you with his peace, comfort and love in this time of sorrow for you and I pray that you will continue to turn to HIM for strength, courage and peace in these days that follow.

Sandi, through this process you have been a rock and an inspiration to me with your faith and unwaivering love and commitment to our Creator, not to mention the love and devotion toward Craig. You have not only been a support to Craig but to all of us as well.

I was just reading back through the Blogs and I was so touched by how you shared your conversation with God and laughed at the vision of your face when HE spoke to you. I am grateful that you have used this tool to communicate your thoughts, fears, humor... the whole gammet of emotions.

In closing, I want to pull out from Proud to be Native entrance on the blog the following: All fear is gone today as the Great Spirit has taken Craig's hand to guide him home today......

Love your friend,